#420: How To 1000x Your Confidence w/ Paul Epstein
PAUL EPSTEIN has spent nearly 15 years as a professional sports executive for multiple NFL and NBA teams, a global sports agency, and the NFL league office, where he has broken every premium revenue metric in Super Bowl history, opened a billion-dollar stadium, and founded the San Francisco 49ers Talent Academy, where he became known as the “Why Coach”.
As an award-winning keynote speaker named one of SUCCESS Magazine's top thought leaders that get results, Paul’s impact continues off stage providing leadership development and culture transformation programs for companies and teams including Amazon, Disney, Johnson & Johnson, NASA, the Los Angeles Lakers, and the Dallas Cowboys—and his work has been featured on ESPN, NBC, Fox Business, and in USA Today. He is also the best-selling author of “The Power of Playing Offense” and is slated to launch his second book in 2023, “Better Decisions Faster”.
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Sponsor: Sweden Reds. (0:00)
Where to find Paul Epstein on social media. (2:17)
How do you put your values in action? (4:07)
How do you sell the unsellable when the market doesn't want it? (9:58)
How do you manage morale in a labor lockout? (12:23)
What is the lowest common denominator in life? (16:40)
How do you show up at critical forks in the road with confidence? (18:47)
Head vs. heart. (21:32)
How to overcome indecision. (27:46)
When we freeze, we get paralyzed. When we paralysis, we’re indecisive. (30:29)
Guest's calls-to-action
https://www.paulepsteinspeaks.com/confidence-quiz
Episode sponsored
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Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 0:00
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Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 0:18
what? Sweden
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 0:21
reds from Sweden I meant to say company Okay Hey, did you know this is sweat equity podcast?
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Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 0:28
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Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 0:37
already did the thing though
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 0:39
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Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 1:56
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Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 2:03
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Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 2:12
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Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 2:17
Go back to Canada dude. Let's get this party started. Ha ha
are listening to the sweat equity podcast? All right, Paul. You get we're good. Yeah, solid. Paul Epstein. Why don't you give everybody that's listening or watching? Where to find you on social? Where's websites? Any calls to action?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 3:11
Absolutely. Paul Epstein. speaks.com is my website. That's the hub of all things. Most active on LinkedIn and Instagram. Instagram is at Paul Epstein speaks. And while you're on my site, take your very own confidence quiz. Understand your confidence score one to 100. And that's where to find everything.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 3:30
Yeah, we, we we both took it individually, while back but before I'll tease that before we get into the quiz, and all things confidence. What advice would you give your 13 year old self?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 3:50
Before you start to chase external things, and listen to other people's advice on what they think you should do first understand what lights you up what brings you energy, what makes you feel alive and then double down on that?
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 4:06
So kind of a Simon Sinek kind of start with why ish kind of areas that fair to say.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 4:14
Yeah, yeah. Basically, yes, we would call those values and this earlier in life, you can put your values in action, then that's how you can start winning. And the best way to find your values. Ask the five people in the world that know you the best to describe you in one word. And then think of how you can bring that word to life and put it in action.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 4:35
You girthy
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 4:40
Yeah, you leverage that. Well, I was gonna ask what? I like that because other people are doing the work for you. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, it's
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 4:52
almost more embarrassing for them.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 4:53
Right? You just say it. Yeah, I
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 4:57
don't want to feed back card. I don't know. But I think part of that's getting over the achiness, I'm guessing, but I want to ask when you're younger, are you following things you didn't want to do or kind of rudderless. What, tell us about your, you know, your early years? And why why you would give yourself that advice?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 5:18
Yeah, well, I think if we're being honest, most folks, I would say 95 to 100% of folks do live on other's people's terms at a certain point. And I don't think that's necessarily a horrible thing in the sense of, we're raised typically by parents, not always, but let's say there's a family component, there's teachers in our life, there's friends, and they're giving us advice, both good and bad. And so we have all this noise. And when we're younger, we don't know what to listen to versus what to ignore. We don't know what good advice is versus bad advice. So I like any other human being was just kind of going with what felt right at the time. But you know, we lack experience. And so we're going to make a lot of mistakes and fall down a lot. But I'll tell you that, you know, kind of what, what I think we all, like lose sight of is we, we think so much, right? It's very like in this world of head, heart hands that I talk about a lot. If head is kind of what do you think in heart is? What's your truth? Like? What are you feeling? Then hands are like how you bring it to action? I think we live in a very head heavy world. And I think what's lacking early is, we're not really listening to our heart, you know, like a good buddy of mine speaks to schools all the time. He says, When I go to elementary schools, people are like, me, me, me pick me, and they have all this zest and enthusiasm. And like, no shame in terms of what oh, I'm gonna say something stupid or whatever. And then junior high, they kind of get the alligator arms like, hey, like, I'm kind of raising my hand and like, maybe I want to ask you something, but I don't want to sound dumb in front of my friends. And then high school, they got their arms folded, and they're like, What are you doing here? You know, so he basically is like, Dude, we squeeze the life out of kids, man. And like, if we can rediscover like that five year old that eight year old, we're like, you just didn't care what other people thought, you know, that's kind of one of the bigger gaps that I think we all struggle with.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 7:13
Yet, we're getting there. What you and I personally were getting, they're getting to not live long. Five Year Old
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 7:20
Souls under think a lot. I don't over that.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 7:25
I'm a chronic under thinker.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 7:27
I'm just an under thinking kind of guy. I can't make a decision because I don't even think because I don't even know what they are. It doesn't even exist Half the time I forget.
You spent 15 years as a pro sports executive. We are big sports doors. Can you tell us about that that part of your life?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 7:48
Yeah, so it's 15 years three NBA teams, then a global agency that was owned by the Yankees and cowboys owner. So some big brands ended up at the NFL league office broke some Super Bowl revenue records. And then my most recent chapter was my last handful in sports, heading up revenue for the San Francisco 40 Niners but the really cool thing is put aside the trophies in the accolades and a lot of the achievement because we certainly checked a lot of those boxes. Like I have this this thing that I talked about called playing offense in defensive environments. So if you're listening to this defense is a metaphor for any adversity that you face any hurdle obstacle setback challenge all the bad stuff that goes on all around you. And in sports. I was in a lot of losing environments by even though I was on the business side. Here's a real example. I start at the LA Clippers. I'm a sales guy. Entry level entry. Exactly right. Whoa, whoa. So ESPN a year before I start, they say you're the worst brand in sports. Then my second week on the job. The front cover of Sports Illustrated says worst franchise in sports history. Yep. Try selling that. What's the year in two years? Oh, that was 2005 So I guess it was on the other side of the hallway. Kobe and Shaq winning championships. Yep, Kobe and Shaq when
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 9:10
I lived in LA from Oh 610 I tried to work we were in Tampa we don't have a team I tried to be a clip of Stan. I tried it. I tried
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 9:19
to get the Raptors a forever had the Raptors. I'm a
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 9:24
heat fan. I was like I gotta go to my mom's route to Miami and I went here after trying for like a year with the Clippers like Oh 607 I just like God this is
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 9:34
no magic ever magic are never in play. I hate the magic. i How do you hate the Magic Man rock with Penny and check that
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 9:42
glory? Those little penny doll Yeah,
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 9:46
I need on horseback with his sports goggles. Yeah, I get that. Look, look. I like that era. But I hate the
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 9:54
city. Scott Nick Anderson. Come on, man.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 9:56
Orlando's a fake city. I don't trust it. It's a Don't times it's built on dreams illusions and people love Orlando Tampa in the same kind of category it's like no way different areas. I think everybody just kind of loves Florida anyway but okay clippers you're with the Clippers maybe the worst. They're definitely getting they're definitely getting like the worst franchise in sports that was kind of ubiquitous that wasn't like
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 10:27
right when sports players that it's kind of official. Absolutely. Reading agencies saying differently
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 10:34
when that when it wasn't so thin that you can fold it in your back pocket, fold it in for like, you know, origami, put it in your
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 10:42
back pocket and held a sports illustrated in 10 years. Right.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 10:45
That's I'm saying but back then it meant something right. And they were the joke. Were Buccaneer stands. We were the joke in football forever, that you have 10 years. Yeah. You know. So tell us tell us how you kind of turn that into something.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 11:00
Yeah. And actually, it's, it's cool the set, you're a bucks, bucks guy, because where certain sports franchises overlap, and this is kind of what fans have bad teams on the field or the court of the ice do. They put the paper bags over the head, they hopefully cut out some eyes and hopefully cut out the mouth. So you can breathe. I mean, that's part of it. And and so on the clippers, I remember that that front cover of Sports Illustrated one of the paper bags on the forehead said please shoot me. And so that's kind of the environment that I was living in. And so the way I describe it is you've got to figure out a way to sell the unsellable. And so when when folks don't demand it when the market doesn't want it. How do you connect folks to this thing, and then then from there, after going from 28th Eleague revenue to second league revenue, then we hopped over to the New Orleans. They were then the Hornets, now they're the pelicans. We almost lost the team to permanent relocation because a lot of folks in the south didn't care about basketball. It's totally football driven, like football is a religion. And so basketball was like, Alright, no one's coming. It's not economically viable. So you might lose the team and we have to save the franchise through this whole IMM campaign. Then I go to the Sacramento Kings. And if you guys remember the Maloof brothers Yeah, and this was not the Maloofs. And when they were on top of the world, and Vegas and Palms Hotel, this was kind of on that down form. And so I'm heading up sales there. And then
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 12:26
in the smallest module in the NBA mind you
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 12:28
too. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's by far the scariest
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 12:33
one of the scariest cities I've ever been to in the country. Yeah. Yeah,
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 12:37
it's it's gotten better. But it's certainly had its years. And so yeah, then we go through a labor lockout. And at the time, my job was to champion company culture. But how do you manage morale in a labor lockout, when it feels like people's livelihoods are taken away. And then if I can even top all of those pitstops off, when I get to the Niners two years into my tenure there. My team and I were facing 70,000 fans in the aftermath of Colin Kaepernick kneeling. Okay, so you go through all of these elements of uncontrollable adversity. And that's why when I speak, I say we all have defensive environments around us. It could be a toxic relationship. It could be a losing sports team, it could be whatever it is. So how do you kind of rise above that? And that's really kind of where I've made my name, whether in the speaking business or beyond. I just feel like I walked through a lot of fires and it was damn difficult in the moment, but now I'm really proud of it
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 13:36
sounds like you can't they brought you into these franchises to be the Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction, to come in and go. Alright, get a pen and a pad out, drive up in an Acura NSX you know,
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 13:50
seven minutes
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 13:53
you know, those you just gave like some of the worst
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 14:00
dream and
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 14:04
I might have been the Blackhat by the way, because a lot of these teams were winning before I got there and they won after I left like the Niners are a prime example. They're like three NFC Championship Super Bowl and then I show up and then earn and then I left and now we're good again. So anyways, I might have been the problem, but at least we generated a lot of revenue along the way.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 14:22
I think there's a lot more variables to personnel but how many people know what a Clipper is? What is the
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 14:30
clip? I know the backstory of that San Diego planes. Yeah, yeah, the sailboat right. They were once in San Diego so the Clippers sailboat and so when they moved to LA they didn't change the name. I mean, la got some Lakers thing. That's just stupid, right? The Lakers. Yeah, sure. Minneapolis Lakers.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 14:47
So it's up there with Utah Jazz is one of the worst. The most
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 14:52
jazzy estate I can think of Legion Utah, it'll be hilarious. The least
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 14:57
cool, big city where they live. 10 years ago had the things on on the bottles of liquor, to say you couldn't have a heavy hand, you have to have one shot with a liquor train like that, that kind of stuff. The unjam, easiest place I've ever been. Well, that's really interesting that you're coming into these situations with confidence in yourself. You know, I wanted to, we took the quiz. We do have one small question that Earth does. So it is, I took it in, I'm pretty sure I think it took a screenshot of it. I got it at one. But my email says I got an ad.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 15:40
I don't remember. I remember being a difference for me. I don't know,
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 15:45
are you I'm different.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 15:48
And but I mean, we both got emails, I said, AD, actually, now that I think about it's curious that you're like, I swear to God, any one, one better than you. But I can't figure it out. I can't find
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 15:59
better. I just said, You know what, that's my
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 16:03
point. No, you know what it is? It's like the SAP course, we get one point for spelling your name, right? So that's all I gotta say. That's it.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 16:10
I'll find that screen grab
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 16:13
my autofill I'm not going to be missing that one.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 16:17
So I forget how many questions this quizzes we love. We love these business related psychology tests or exams, or you know, we like doing these occasionally, it kind of tells you who you are, in a way. Can you break down your your head, heart and hands aspect for the audience? Just give a quick rundown?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 16:40
Absolutely. So when, when you're trying to make decisions with more confidence, because what I really boiled down to is like when folks asked me like, Paul, if you could fundamentally master one thing in life, whether you do it, Coach it, train it. And I started talking about all these big things like oh, well, awareness and ownership and intention. And I think all those things are great. And I absolutely consider those the table stakes of winning in life. The problem is, most folks don't know what to do with it on Monday morning. Like if I'm just like, hey, go be more aware, Hey, start owning the good and the bad. Hey, have more intention. It sounds great. But now what do I do on Monday morning differently?
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 17:17
It's not. So it's not it's that right? Yeah, totally. So
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 17:21
like, I got it down to this lowest common denominator. And being in the NFL and NBA, you're around a lot of high performers in high achievers, you start to understand what separates the elite from the rest of the pack, whether in the business side or on the sporting side. And I really kind of came up with two things. I said, those that separate and stay and sustain their poor, their performance. They're very decisive. And they are completely comfortable with imperfect action. So if life is this game of decisions and actions, and then if you think about it, whether you take action or not, is a decision in and of itself. So this lowest common denominator is decisions. And as I poured more into the research under this, and this is kind of a mind blow guy. So prepare yourself. The average adult makes 35,000 decisions in a day. Today, today, you me everyone listening, each of us 35,000
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 18:23
As an almost as an undertaker, I think mine's closer to 35. Out there for me today, a lot of them are Nate. I'm guessing that
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 18:35
99% are autopilot. Otherwise, we don't have the capacity for it. So yeah, you're but you're actually your numbers generous in the sense of how many critical decisions you made a day, like a handful, maybe right? Like maybe like depending. But there are these really big forks in the road. And what happens at forks in the road is we freeze, we get paralyzed. And then we make the worst possible decision, which is indecision. And so what I realized is that to step through these forks in the road with more confidence, that became the calling card. So you asked me about head heart hands. If you asked me, Paul, how do you show up at these critical forks in the road with confidence? What is this head, heart hands thing all about? I wanted to make it you use the word pragmatic earlier, I wanted to create a solution in application tool that was accessible to everybody. I don't care if you're in high school. I don't care if you're a budding entrepreneur. I don't care if you're a senior citizen. It's something that can universally apply. And so the equation is head plus heart equals hands. So head is when you're approaching these actions. These decisions. Do I think it's a good idea? Heart is do I feel it's a good idea. And when you're heading you're harder on board. That's the green light. You absolutely should take action every single time had an harder Ripoli ignited when one of the two is onboard, it's a yellow light, you solve for the gap, then now that you're aware, you stop running reds, no head, no heart, don't do it or stop doing it. And so that's what the head heart hands equation was all about. It was about creating more confidence at these critical forks in the road. And I really think that the biggest gap that a lot of us have is, we go go go, we doo doo doo life is so fast. It's so chaotic. It's so stressful. It's so complex. So we use a lot of head, we act with our hands, but we're bypassing our heart. So I wanted to make sure that this was a head and hearts, not a head or heart type of solution. And that's why when I measure confidence, part of the quiz is checking your mindset. How strong is your head? Then it checks your heart? How strong is your authenticity? Then it checks your hands. How much are you driving action? That's really what the quiz is about?
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 20:56
Yeah, I would, uh, you know, I think a lot of over thinkers, I always when people tell me, they, they overthink a lot, right? Yeah. By the way, could you give this? Can we get this to all girlfriends and wives trying to decide a restaurant out there? This this whole process just so they can get better at making it? What do you want to eat? Whatever you want. Okay, how about this? I don't want that.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 21:23
You really put the Yeah, what are we funny?
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 21:26
But the I would say the heads analytical side. Right? Yeah, that should be the logical Yep. Yep. Should be logical, right. And hearts more of a gut intuition.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 21:40
I would say Yeah, more emotional. Yeah, I think of head is logic and heart is emotion generally I
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 21:45
was. So I run into people a lot of the time that I have, do the logic aspect. With bad data. I feel like
the confidence rate is very low. The heart, it's a lot of heart. So coming into this, that's kind of where my bias was, because I feel like a lot of people make gut decisions, which are usually to be indecisive, which is almost like worse than yes or no. And like you said, make a decision. Try to be I think you're the the subtext was, you're not going to get every one of them right. But get more of them. Right. It's no
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 22:27
better off addressing that bad choice faster than just not addressing it at all.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 22:33
Yeah, like my friends that don't want to go get an STD test, because they don't want to know the results. And then they might have herpes for years. We have to add jokes into this sometimes that they're not all done. Oh, man. They're not all switches.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 22:51
Yeah, no, you know, but you bring up a couple, he brought up a lot of interesting points. But here's the reality. I don't think this is an OFF ON switch. You're either confident or you're not. I think this is a dimmer switch. I think you go up, you come down, depending on what's happening in life, in business at work with your spouse, with whomever like, I think it's a dimmer switch. But the other part you brought up, which is actually the beauty of the equation, I don't know a lot of people that are perfectly balanced between logic and emotion. Like I don't, I don't meet a lot of people that I'm like, Oh my gosh, you're the perfect balance of head and heart. No, like me, I'm way heavy on emotion. So what this equation forces me to do forces because its head plus heart equals hands, I'm forced to check in with my head, even though that's not my natural style. And then for the opposite person that's just thinking and thinking maybe over analyzing, I'm like, Dude, you gotta check in with your heart. This is not a head or heart. It's a head plus heart. So that's how, when I've seen a lot of success with people using it is because it unexposed is your blind spots.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 24:01
Yeah, when were you talking about the equation? Moments ago, I was thinking this is a a guide to making you think logically, the and analyze the life is not worth living kind of thing. So like, if I don't schedule a couple of minutes, at the end of the day, I probably won't think about the day. So you're it's kind of like that for your equation where it's like, you know, most people are all hard. And most people probably identify with that. This gives you kind of a rubric to go, Hey, maybe do maybe write some X's and O's down. See what you know, is this a positive or negative kind of thing in a logical way? Is that fair to say? Yeah, like people, they're driving with emotion. And you're kind of like, hey, pulled over. Let's do some logic here real quick. Yeah, and
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 24:53
here's what the data is telling us when folks use this. So as much as I'd love to tell you that you That life is filled with green lights. I think the goal and why I wrote the book better decisions faster, which is really where we unveiled his head heart hands equation. The goal of writing the book was now that you're aware of what a green light is, head plus heart equals hands like head and heart are on board, attract more sees more attack warm, fill your life with as many green light relationships as you can get the green light job, build a green light business, like whatever that is more green. And then the other thing of awareness is now you're aware, no head, no heart, stop running reds, stop, like I were giving you an equation to kind of figure it out like one of those like, hey, stop doing it. But here's the messy middle 80 plus percent of what the data tells us is most of business in life lie in yellow, either head or heart is on board. And so but here's kind of the fast path to the ending of what we should do. I think there's two types of yellow, head on heart off. And then there's obviously the opposite. My belief is we should treat those very differently. So I think of we've been talking about relationships, we could like, have some fun and mess around with this one. But let's say like, you know, damn, well, you could be with a person. And like, at one point, they were like attractive to you, like you're dating the supermodel and like, so your head is like, oh my gosh, they're hot, right? But your heart is like, this person isn't the one. I know that this is not a keeper. But it's fun. And so your head keeps kind of like you stay in it. But you already know the end of that story. And the same as possible for a job, you stick with it for the logical reason, the money, the head is on board, but you hate it, your boss isn't like whatever, like you can go down whatever path you want to go down. My advice to that is, your heart's not going to change. So if you really want to live a life of greens, you got to exit out of whatever that yellow light is at the earliest possible opportunity. It may not be tomorrow, I'm not telling you to leave a job and be bankrupt tomorrow. But I'm saying know that there is an exit strategy and start to build it the opposite yellow when your heart is on board, but your head hasn't caught up yet. My advice to that yellow is stay in the fight. Because it's so hard to get your heart on board for something that when your heart is in, it typically stays in. So you should absolutely try to and tangle kind of the cobwebs in the head and like maybe there's some self limiting beliefs or some other stuff. But my advice for heart in head out is like you stay in the fight because of your head can catch up. Do those can be life changing greens, that once were the good yellow.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 27:34
We're in the HOV lane of driving metaphors. I love it. Sometimes you get stuck at the risk of hate you right now. I hate that. I always said that. This Eric knew he would do it. Like that's why I'm a great comedian. Um, I want to I want to hear about man, I had a roommate that could make a decision in college and it fucking drove me nuts. Yeah. And then we get fatigue about his decisiveness. Can you tell us some some stuff about this, like, overcoming decision fatigue? Like, yeah, there's people that have to make too many day to day right. I would say the indecisive people are the most taxing around you what what are your thoughts on overcoming that?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 28:27
For sure. And like I said earlier, I think Indecision is the silent killer, right? Like that's the one thing like you're not you're not even pulling a trigger, whether it's a good trigger, bad figure, like you're not pulling any triggers again, and you brought up a couple of things. And I know you were probably half joking, half not. But when it was like, Hey, honey, should we figure out like whether we want to eat McDonald's or Jack in the Box tonight? Like, do I recommend the head art hands equation for like, a trivial decision? My response would be use it for any decision that you think is significant. So as an example, McDonald's or Jack bar jack in the box on a Tuesday night might not be that significant. But let's say you're on some crazy health plan. And then you're like, Well, where do I order DoorDash from because of the bigger health plan, maybe you should think about it in a more serious way because you have this kind of bigger picture thing. But here's my thought about indecision. So all right, everyone listening in, and all all three of us on this pod right now. If we audited our past, the decisions we've made in Job, career, relationships, health, if you audit it, and you show me the quality of your decisions, all show you the quality of your life. And nobody pushes back on that are like yup, totally checks. We I got it, Paula. Yes, life is a game of decisions check. So then I'm like, Well, hold on. So if it's so important, what's your process? How do you make decisions? Right? Nobody has a process. I don't care if they're CEOs. I don't care if they're like super successful entrepreneurs. I know we have a lot Got a small to medium business owners on this call like, I don't care if it's just the everyday Joe and Jane. Nobody has a process. And so when I thought about this I'm like, if we could create a simple and easy to understand process, which ended up being the head art hands equation, that's the solution to overcoming indecision. I think what makes us indecisive is well, all right, like there's high stakes or sigh consequences. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to piss this person off, I don't want, I don't want to let this person down. And then we freeze. And when we freeze, we get paralyzed when we paralyze, we're indecisive. So I'm like, Look, I'm not promising you, you're gonna get to the end of the road using the head heart hands equation, but I do promise that within a matter of seconds, I'll get you to a green, yellow or red. And then that's when the work begins. Green and red are fast. When we say better decisions faster. Green is like, Go Go Go Red is stop running threads. Those are instant, the yellows, we're going to need some time. But at least now you can identify it as a yellow. And now you know how to confidently navigate going forward. So to me the head heart hands equation was the Solve for indecision, because now you got a process.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 31:09
And I should mention anybody listening, they can go on your site to take the confidence quiz. It's free.
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 31:15
Yeah, let's you're scared.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 31:17
Yeah. Well, before we we skedaddle, I wanted to ask you, do you have an example in your life, you made this this kind of this process right? For to help people make better decisions? Is there something that happened, as you're making this process later that you reflected on and go? Oh, it's this is almost like, you know, I feel like
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 31:42
it must have been something where you were like, everybody was telling you something, but you deep down were like, No, I feel like it's this way. And then you went with everybody else. And then later down the road, you're like I was right. The whole time.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 31:54
I was saying like you use your own system without knowing and after a while later down the line. But I like your question.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 32:01
No, you're brilliant, by the way. Brilliant question. Because I would say whether No, thank you. Thank you. So look, anytime whether you're writing a book, or whether you're speaking in front of 1000s of people or whatever, like, obviously, you're not winging it, right. Like you gotta gotta, they always say you, you wrote, you write the book that you would have needed five to 10 years ago. So I think any thought leader, any author, any speaker, there, they should be communicating myself included things that are stress tested, like, dude, I'm not killing you. I've always made great decisions. But I'm telling you that when I audited my pass, I'm like, bro, when your head and heart were on board, like and whether I use those exact words, but when I thought, think and feel when those things align, I always ended up in a good place. And then I start thinking about those painful bloody red lights that I ran, and ran. And that's just a very slow death. Think about a red light relationship, no head, no heart, you're like, man, what am I doing? And the real fascinating one, though, to me was separating the yellows. I didn't ever analyze anything like, Is my head on board or is my heart on board. But then when I said, you know, the job that I was somewhat miserable that like, Why did I stay? Huh? Oh, the money? What's money? Well, head, okay. Well, my heart was out. And I knew after six months after the honeymoon period I was. So I was like, Okay, that's a signal. And then I also thought, like, what decisions was I struggling to make? And there was a happy ending, right? Like there was a green light at the end. And those were the ones where my heart was in. And like, I this is not going to tee you up for a great comedy, but I'll be very vulnerable with your audience disagree. We're
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 33:51
in it for the head and the happy endings.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 33:55
hansy said that as soon as I said that, I was like, Oh my
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 33:57
god. So I just want to point out, you're doing a great job setting us up. Thank you, with your show like you do you
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 34:03
we need to look at our comedy decisions on the fly. Why?
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 34:08
Yes, it's hard to transition from happy ending, but I'll do my best. Okay, so no, like one of the biggest, darkest yellow lights I ever had was like my first six months of being a dad. I struggled mightily, like my heart was all in, but my head was like what just happened in my life, like, just, again, I'm just putting it out there. And I include this in my book, because I feel like this was kind of the origin story of like, Paul, you ought to be able to help people through these yellow lights. So like, if I could simplify it, I wrote the book to attract more greens. I wrote the books to make people aware. So they stopped running reds, and I wrote the book because navigating the messy middle yellow is hard. So I wanted to be a part of the solution because I've struggled through as many yellow lights as anybody so that's kind of the you know, you talk about what did I go through? I went through not loving being a dad at the beginning. And now like I'm like, Oh, the Hallmark card finally. showed up. But that's not how it was the first six months. And I just realized, oh my gosh, this is a yellow light that I gotta fight through. And if I can help people fight through their good yellow lights, man, that's a beautiful life to live.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 35:12
Well I tell my friends that have kids, that first six months, you're a glorified Butler. You're an assistant in the house. Yeah, that baby's all about mom. So like, oh, yeah, all you can do is do everything else you can
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 35:23
when you think
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 35:26
I can't. I was like, I wish I could produce milk. I can't do it. But I'll go guy tried.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 35:31
I tried and nothing happened.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 35:33
Yeah, that's a different. That's a different hands to
Eric Readinger, Fractional CMO, Producer and Head Of Media 35:38
the heart there. Yeah.
Law Smith, Fractional CMO, Stand Up Comedian, Sweat Equity Host, and President of Tocobaga Agency & Advisory 35:40
All right. Yeah. Paul, I appreciate you coming on. We'll have to have you back on at some point, but a lot of stuff there. And everybody should kind of use that system you have. It's pretty. It's a pretty good system to memorize.
Paul Epstein, Confidence Quizzer, Confidence Enhancer 35:54
Love it. Yeah. Well, thank you for having me on. And yeah, we'd love to be back on anytime. So yeah, for everybody out there. Just listening in again. I think confidence is kind of the core of it. So Paul Epstein speaks.com Hit that quiz. And there's gonna be a lot of cool stuff that sent your way after so it's all in the spirit of making better decisions faster. That's it. Thank you, sir. Yeah. Thank you.
